two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
