He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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