he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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