best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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