three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
