You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
