Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
