I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The Olympian is in my bed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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