So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
