why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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