get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
