I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
