My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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