i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
