dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize