highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
