Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
