I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
