im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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