It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The adults are the big ones right?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize