i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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