Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
