Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
