:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you win again, gameday.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
