im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
