just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
