some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
