I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
