dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
