i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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