I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
