i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
