if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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