Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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