there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize