i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
