Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
