Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
