why didn't you poke me back
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
