Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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