i think my mom watched the whole time
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
