my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
