I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
