It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
