Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
