I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
