Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
