I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
