he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
