I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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