For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
