The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
