Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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