i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
