No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
