ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
