i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
