If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
