I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
