We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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