fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize